How to Thrive in the Midst of Change
We all experience change whether we want to or not. Regardless of our age or life experience, change is difficult.
It’s not that we don’t like change or want it, it’s that we would prefer for it to happen more easily and on our terms.
Here are 12 tips to help you through your next transition or transformation with grace and ease.
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Giving Up the Old for the New
Unfortunately, change often requires us to give up what’s old and familiar in order for something new and better to take its place.
Just like it is hard to throw away that favorite shirt or those comfy old shoes, we somehow manage to find new shirts and shoes to take their place.
It’s a strange paradigm. On the one hand, we have this desire to build our lives around something secure, familiar and lasting.
And on the other hand, we are forever being forced to make life changes that keep us from becoming stagnant.
Giving up what previously defined our lives can be painful, but there is a new anticipation and maybe even excitement about building a new life or new identity.
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Noticing Our Natural Resistance to Change
It’s a simple fact that we want the things in our lives to remain familiar and stable. We strive to create routine in our lives, and make our world as predictable as possible. Routine and predictability make us feel safe, secure and in control.
Because of our desire for predictability, we can often be resistant to change. The status quo feels more comfortable and we are reluctant to stretch ourselves, try new things and take risks.
Oddly, even though we are so averse to change, we are constantly in a state of change. Our bodies are changing, technology forces us to change, the people around us are changing, and our life circumstances are constantly changing.
Even the most courageous can feel some hesitancy at embracing a new identity or accepting a new challenge in our lives, especially if we are uncertain of how well we will survive or successfully navigate the change. After all, no one wants to fail.
Next time you are faced with change, notice and acknowledge your resistance, and accept that it is a normal reaction – and that will help you to better manage it.
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Acknowledging Grief is Good
With change comes loss, even if the change is good. And loss must be grieved so you can leave the ‘old’ behind and move into the ‘new’ in a healthy way.
Most grief professionals agree that the grieving process consists of five stages that must be addressed in order to move on. The five stages are:
- Denial – Not accepting that it’s happening.
- Bargaining – Believing that with negotiation or adjustment it can go back to the way it used to be.
- Anger – Feeling that the situation is “unfair”
- Sadness – Feeling lost, alone, or vulnerable.
- Acceptance – Realizing that things will not go back to the way they were, and it is time to move on.
When grieving a loss, you may move from one stage to the next and then back again. This is a normal part of the process. So, when experiencing a change, do not resist the grieving process.
Although at first it may not feel like grief is good, it does help you to close one chapter of your life so you can move on to the next. Let it go!
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Navigating the ‘Transition’ Phase of Change
There are three phases of change – letting go, transition, and starting anew.
The transition phase is the hardest because it is that ‘in between’ place where you have left behind the old and are uncertain about what the new will be. This is where you may feel vulnerable, anxious and in a state of flux.
Here are a few tips to help you find comfort and some semblance of control the next time you are in the transition phase of change:
- Do something that makes you feel in control. Choose a project that you can accomplish. Stick to it until you finish.
- Choose on one or two areas of your life that you can focus on to impact your future success.
- Think bigger and see yourself successful. Use your visualization skills to see your best outcome.
- Accept that this is an awkward stage. Give yourself grace and ask for patience from others in your life.
Collaborating with others who have walked this path before you will make it much easier to gain clarity and perspective. Most of the time, our fears far outweigh the magnitude of the change.
The transition phase of change can be difficult to navigate, but applying these few simple tips will help you to feel less vulnerable and uncertain, and more empowered and in control.
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Avoiding The Blame and Shame Game
Sometimes when we are going through the stages of change, our negative emotions can get the best of us. Two of the big emotions we often feel are blame and shame.
When an unexpected change is thrust upon us, it is natural to want someone to blame. Sure, there is usually a person who delivers the “change” message, but sometimes that person is nothing more than the messenger.
Holding onto the belief that someone is to blame may make you feel better, but it will take you longer to move through the change process.
Another emotion people often feel when faced with a change is shame.Maybe you didn’t get the promotion, maybe the business didn’t succeed, or maybe that person wasn’t right for you after all.
Shame is a debilitating emotion. It serves no purpose whatsoever and needs to immediately be squelched. Tell yourself that you did the best you could under the circumstances. Learn from the experience. Simply refuse to feel shame. Replace the chatter in your head with positive language.
Your negative emotions do not have to get the best of you. Instead of feeling blame or shame, ask yourself what you have learned, and what will you do differently the next time.
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Managing Change
Throughout life, change will always be our constant companion. We will have changes that we make happen, and changes that are thrust upon us and are out of our control.
Despite its inevitability, change still makes us feel anxious and uncertain. It’s not that we need less change in our lives, but instead, we need to learn to adjust our perspective about change so that we can effectively manage it when it happens.
Here are a few tips for handling life’s changes with grace and ease:
- Realize that change causes stress. Therefore, to minimize the stress, identify what you can control and what you cannot, and take steps to minimize what you can.
- See the change as an opportunity rather than a bad situation.
- Keep your eye on your long-term goals. The circumstances of the present situation can distract you from your goals. So, remind yourself that things will be different once you get through the change.
- Be open to what can be learned from the change, and ask yourself “What can this experience teach me?”
The one change you can expect is that things are going to change. Using these few simple strategies can help you smoothly navigate your next change.
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Letting Go
“Why is letting go so difficult for us? We want to let go but can find it frustrating that some part of us is still holding on to what ‘used to be’.
Change can feel like we’re losing something because we are so comfortable and familiar with our current life, even if our present circumstances are not serving us well.
When transitioning into a new phase of life, there must be an ending. For an ending to happen and a beginning to occur, we must let go. It creates feelings of uncertainty and fear, and we find ourselves thinking “Am I making the right decision?”, “Will I be better off, or worse?”, or “Do I have the strength to do this?”
These questions are a natural part of the process.
Every change involves a sense of letting go of something that is familiar.
This can feel scary. If we want to learn, grow and develop, we must accept discomfort occasionally and be willing to let go of at least some aspects of what makes us feel secure and comfortable. If we do, a new future certainly awaits us, and it is probably better than we ever imagined.
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Handling The Emotions that Come with Change
When an external event happens that causes a shift in your world, you also have an internal response. With external change, we internally may experience a whirlwind of emotions. Regardless of the circumstance, your first reaction may include feelings such as vulnerability, uncertainty, anxiety or fear.
If it is a negative change, you may experience emotions such as disbelief, anger, sadness or panic.
There are also changes that we look forward to such as a new relationship, a promotion, or a new baby in the family, that bring about more positive emotions such as expectancy, excitement and anticipation.
Whether the circumstance is voluntary or involuntary, positive or negative, we will have an internal response to our external event.
Next time you experience change, remember to acknowledge your internal responses and accept them as a normal part of the process.
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Handling Change
Change is as natural as breathing. We are always changing or have some sort of change occurring in our lives.
There are three phases of change: letting go, transition and beginning anew. Transition is the hardest because often, when in transition, you find yourself in what William Bridges calls, “the confusing nowhere of inbetweenness.”
It’s that place between letting go of the old, and the uncertainty of what is yet to come.
Try these tips to make this uncertain time of your life easier to handle:
- Be patient – The external world of our lives can change in a moment’s notice, but our internal world requires more time to reorient to the change. We cannot rush the inner process that must adjust to the external changes of our life.
- Don’t rush to act just to be doing something – Since we are not used to just sitting and waiting, there can be the temptation to jump into action and ‘fix’ things when everything feels as though it is in an upheaval. The process of transition is often a time of inertia, a time for us to slow down, reflect and adjust so we can be ready for the next chapter of our lives.
- Take care of yourself – During a time of change, you may feel uncertain or anxious. Take care of yourself during this time. Do things you enjoy doing that make you feel good. Take a walk, read an inspirational book or take up a hobby.
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Seeing Little Changes Can Make a Big Difference
Accepting changes in our life can be difficult. Even though the change may bring new opportunities, we often feel more comfortable with the ‘status quo.’
This often leads to resistance even though there is a promise for a better future.
The next time you feel resistant to change and you are having a difficult time accepting it, try making the change in small increments – one little bit at a time.
Here are 8 bits of wisdom to help you do that:
- Acceptance of change doesn’t have to be some big and formal event.
- Change can happen in little ways.
- Try making changes in small increments – say, 10 percent. 10 percent doesn’t sound like much, but its impact can be profound.
- Our lives are filled with dozens of little changes happening around us and to us all the time, which hardly seems worth noting. But 10% + 10% + 10% adds up.
- Every one of the little changes in our life means that there are also little beginnings taking shape.
- 10 percent is certainly something we can learn to accept in our lives when it comes to change.
- Don’t think of change in terms of “all or nothing,” “100% or zero percent.” Instead, think of accepting change in smaller doses.
- Minor events can have major impacts.
Making small adjustments during a change can help to eliminate resistance and feel like you have more control.
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Beginning New
With change comes leaving behind the old and stepping into a new beginning. An ending is what makes the beginning possible.
After all, that is the order of things, isn’t it? Leaves change and fall from the trees in the autumn only to reemerge in the spring. One day everything seems to be falling apart; and the next day, life goes on as usual.
Every change has an ending that prepares us for new growth, new activities, and new beginnings.
New beginnings are like new energy released in a new direction. You will notice that you are making new beginnings in your life when you:
- Spend more energy on the future than the past or even the present.
- Shift your focus to something new and your productivity increases in that area.
- Feel your morale increasing as you look forward to something new.
There is a rhythm to the whole process of your old identity being renewed into a new identity and purpose. And when we are ready to make a new beginning, opportunity will be waiting for us.
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Experiencing the Internal Transitions
If we want to thrive in the midst of change, we cannot hurry through the change we are experiencing and ignore our internal needs.
Change is an event. It is when something happens—an acquisition, a bankruptcy, a death, a birth, a new employee, a new boss, a move, etc. Change is essentially something external.
We all can relate to hearing people refer to change as something that has happened to them. It is physical. We can typically see it or touch it.
Change may happen suddenly on the surface, but the process of moving through change is called ‘transition.’ This is what happens to us internally. The event of external change inevitably brings about the experience of internal transition.
Transition, unlike change, is an experience, not an event.
This internal transition is a natural process of disorientation and reorientation that feels uncomfortable, but leads to growth.
Staying in your comfort zone will never allow you to reach your highest potential.
Change is both an external event and an internal response. We must recognize that the internal transition usually doesn’t match the speed of the external change that has occurred.
Therefore, for a healthy and productive change, we need to allow our internal response to catch up with the external change.
Finding a great coach or accountability buddy is the best way to navigate the waters and avoid the big rocks in the never-ending river of change.
Change Management, Personal Development